Thursday, January 13, 2011

Flashback: But I LOVE Chef! (or "Time For Another Space Filler")

(Eric in 2011: Now that I've gotten thoroughly bent over stupid politics (again (sigh)), here's another flashback to the allegedly more halcyon times of 2004 and something else you didn't read the first time! The unspoken question from below: "Why was a single man with no children watching so many kids shows?" The answer is buried under incoherent sobs and a sad pall of self-awareness, which means you won't actually get it today.

(As to where you can find the toy ad commentary mentioned below...well, you should've thought of
that before you made me cry, you evil jerk. All in good time...)

When you watch as many cartoons as I do, you see a lot of ads intended for children, and even if you have no children, you just shake your heads in disbelief. I gave a passing glance to the game ads in previous days, but the pitches for toys and kid foods like Fruit By The Foot and other consumables which promise a hallucinatory experience (from eating candy!) haven't even been touched on.

The current Chef Boyardee ad, for instance, is a genuine head-scratcher. You might know the one I'm talking about: the kid tries to drop a can of Boyardee into mom's shopping basket, mom rightly says "We had Chef last night," and the kid's mush-mouthed whine causes some type of half-assed miracle where the can follows them home and rolls right into the child's overjoyed lap. At least, that's where I think they were aiming, for reasons I'll be more than happy to bore you with.

We'll start with the little girl, who barely showed a flicker of emotion throughout the whole ad, giving the entire production a muted quality almost unheard of in kidvid ad time. At the moment of truth, when the can rolls up to the kid for the happy reunion, the little girl gives us a small but nervous smile, with a genuine sense of unease. Of course, my first thought was "That was the BEST TAKE they could get out of her? Was the casting office closed for the holidays?"

After I ditched those thoughts, my evil imagination kicked in. A few possibilities as to what was going through the kid's head:
  • "This isn't Beefaroni! Lousy can..."
  • "It's the GHOST OF BOYARDEE, coming to seek vengeance on moms everywhere!"
  • and my odds-on favorite, "This can is a sentient lifeform, and now I must open its body and eat its brains."
Well, what would YOU think? Does it make me a social pariah to dwell on these things, or just a miserable failure at finding other hobbies?

--Original Tiny Money Land post: March 3, 2004

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