Wednesday, November 17, 2010

We Are Not Defeated, Only Delayed

(To break our budget-priced Christmas joy into bite-sized chunks, here’s a gem from Silent Partner Matt, the guy who used to be here in person…until he wasn’t…)

The recent elections featured fiery rhetoric, bold pledges, and nearly unprecedented voter anger. However, many voters are upset with this week's news that both parties have chosen to keep the same leaders in both houses of Congress. Campaign promises are being talked back and some voters are already beginning to feel that the next two years will lead to nothing new from Washington, DC.

In 2012, why not vote for some real, decisive change?

VOTE DALEK.

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Here are some key planks of the Dalek party platform:

  • JOBS AND ECONOMY - Unemployment will quickly fall to zero as all humans will either be enslaved or exterminated.
  • HEALTH CARE - Suitable human subjects will have their DNA sampled and archived before they are exterminated.
  • IMMIGRATION - All international borders will be open. Fleeing the Dalek force is futile as all humans will eventually be exterminated.
  • FAMILY AND MARRIAGE - The Daleks will not discriminate based on who a human decides to spend its last, screaming moments with. All humans will be exterminated.
  • GUN RIGHTS - Earth weapons are useless against Daleks, therefore no restrictions will be placed on owning guns or other weapons. All humans showing armed resistance, unarmed resistance, or vital signs will be exterminated
  • NATIONAL SECURITY - All terrorists will be exterminated. All non-terrorists will also be exterminated.
  • ENERGY - Where practical, humans will be harvested for energy or slave labor then exterminated when no longer efficient.

THE DALEK PARTY: OUR VISION

IS NOT IMPAIRED.

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