Thursday, February 18, 2010

Big Stupid Andrew Stack and his Big Stupid Murder-Suicide

(...or "A Lesson In Perception")

So let me get this straight...

There is--well, was--this guy who lived in Austin, TX named Andrew Stack. He was a software engineer, which admittedly is one of the many professions that has been going through a weird patch, but apparently Stack made a good enough living that he owned a private plane and a $260,000 house. One day he found a tax loophole (or so he though) and got richer and richer...until "Mr. Big Brother IRS man" pulls a Chris Hansen and asked what he's doing, like his "loophole" money was an undercover cop posing as 15 year old girl. Oops.

According to his man-tantrum manifesto (hereafter referred to as The Man-Tantrum Manifesto), this "oops" set him back $40,000 and turned his nest egg into a big, fat goose egg. Again, this is coming from a guy with a $260,000 house and his own plane. There was a storm raging inside his head, flowing like mental diarrhea. Obviously, the time to act was now.

So earlier today, Stack did what he thought was his "only option": a couple of days after posting the aforementioned Man-Tantrum Manifesto, he set his expensive house on fire, filled up his plane's fuel tank at the airport, and launched his plane (and himself) into an office building that housed IRS offices.

And this is the guy that some of you message board morons are willing to turn into an instant folk hero? I call him another dead idiot, and God knows we get far too many of those in this country on a daily basis for me to give a damn about him.

Sorry, punk, I'm sympathetic about people's issues with the sometimes gnarled and knotted pathways of the American tax system, but attempting to kill a bunch of random strangers (and yourself in the process) because you're too much of a coward to deal with your own stupid problems, the ones that you brought on yourself because you thought you were so goddamn clever? Oddly enough, that's one of my buttons. Go figure.

Andrew Stack wasn't a hero. He was an psycho idiot with an overinflated sense of entitlement who tried to wrap his murder-suicide in enough pseudo-Tom Paine buzzwords that people who are stupid enough to be fooled by that type of noise when it has no anchor in reality would be. His railing against "corporate pigs" was the biggest bald-faced pile of crap in his whole pathetic story, because the reason they dropped the tax bomb on him was because he was trying to live like a corporate pig. He even said so in the Man-Tantrum Manifesto.

It's not too late to turn your back on being a blithering idiot about this coiled, steaming pile of news. Turn back to sanity, my fellow Americans. Let's all watch Lindsey Vonn cry again. That was something, right?

(Endnote 1: As I finished type this, there was a press conference stating that one of the bodies unaccounted for is Stack himself, which made me flash on one of the Joker's alleged deaths in the comic books, when Batman was pulled out of a would-be watery grave screaming "FIND THE BODY! FIND THE BODY! Sure enough, the Joker eventually came back, more dangerous than ever. I have the strongest doubts possible that Stack is that much of a mastermind, but it would be grimly amusing, even if it wouldn't be worthy of any of my respect.)

(Disclaimer/Endnote 2: This Non-Violent, Non-Homicidal Man Tantrum was based on information that was current as of posting time. As with any ongoing investigation, the late Mr. Stack could turn out to be a bigger or smaller moron than he was at post time.)

***APPENDIX*** (attached @ 7pm): But don't take my word for it. Attached is a much more clued-in summary of the Man-Tantrum Manifesto from (of all places) the Democratic Underground message board:
Let's see if I can sum it up:

I decided early on that I was a victim of government and business and needed to make it on my own.

I met some effectively illiterate people who gave me nutty ideas about law which led me to believe I was a "non-citizen slave".

I spent $5,000 & 1000 hours writing protests rather than working.

I got laid off, lost my house, got divorced and lost my retirement.

I started to see all sorts of hobgoblins to blame. Dot com bust. 9/11. And this rage grew inside me as I started to believe that the government was conspiring to bail out everyone else with MY MONEY!!

So I moved to Austin and found it to be too competitive. And I'm certain this is the fault of big corporations and the Justice Department.

So I spent all of my savings and canibalized my retirement. I didn't file an income tax return and since I'm very suspious of government anyway and know I can't work things out with those thugs I decided to pay a $10,000 penalty.

I got remarried. My wife had unreported income. I kind of hoped my new accountant wouldn't notice. He didn't. SCORE! I got audited. It's that accountants fault. Now I have new penalties to pay and I am certain that if this happens to rich people they don't have to pay.

I'm certain that my life has been destroyed by rich people, by government, by businesses, by labor unions. Everywhere I look I see a "big brother" hallucination. I have had enough.

I'm going to martyr myself and I'm going to kill people who work for the IRS and hopefully this will be the trick to save the world from all those big chunks of shit who are laughing at me and eating all my money! Here's your pound of flesh, big brother. We love you Glenn Beck. Keep up the good work.

Disclaimer for the above: not my work, don't know whose work it is, and don't take responsibility for any misspellings, you evil things. You can tell it's not mine because even though I like how it's put together, the Glenn Beck Outta Nowhere finish is soooo predictable. And would make you assume I actually give a damn about the Little Buzzcut Cloud That Cried.

And to come clean, no I did NOT read the Man-Tantrum Manifesto in full myself. Life is too short, and I don't get paid to do this crap.

(Feb 19 addendum: Well, I did read the manifesto later that night. It was the head-shaker that all of the press reports led me to expect, especially the part about the California "club" dedicated to reading the tax code, looking for exploitable loopholes. That little group of "enlightened" amateurs, I'm guessing, was the real source of Stack's troubles, whether he ever admitted it to himself or not. PS: Man, this post really spun out of control...)