Friday, August 29, 2008

Mommy's Little Hypocrites

First of all: Sarah Palin? SARAH PALIN???

Secondly, the HillaryIs44ers (who, just as a reminder, represent the Clinton supporter mainstream the way a rabid raccoon would make a great pet for the kids) went above and beyond Hardcase territory into the rarified realm of the crazy street preachers by deciding that the choice of Palin spells complete and utter doom for the Obama campaign. When a group of people that has spent the past several months harping on Obama's lack of experience decides that Sarah Palin, who has even less experience than Obama, who told CNBC a month ago that she didn't even know what a veep does, whose foreign policy bona fides can be summed up in one sentence (and that sentence is "No issue stance yet recorded by")...sorry, you're just the worst kind of hypocrites, and I'm done with you. You make the Freepers look like the McLaughlin Group.

And if you don't recognize the irony of playing the sexism defense for months on end and then declaring the campaign's over soley because a candidate is running with a woman, and if in fact you don't realize that exposes gender as your one and only issue no matter how hard you deny it, I'd like to recommend you wear a tracking device so we know where you are at all times. Preferably one that glows in the dark.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Breathtakingly Stalinist Revision

I'll admit it, I watched Senator Clinton's speech last night with a quiet alarm, but on a second rewatching, she did as much as she could do to tell while still allowing for another victory lap. And yet, the fact that so much of it sounded like the same speech that obviously didn't heal the divide on the Saturday after the last primary still set off a few bells.

The HillaryIs44ers are exhibiting a depressingly predictable state of denial, posting today a transcript of last night's speech that was scrubbed clean of any pro-Obama reference (which, if you'll remember, was supposed to be the entire point of the appearance), then lovingly wrapped in the usual blather that Clinton is the savior of the party, and topped with a heartbreakingly delusional fantasy that somehow, in some way, the party will finally snap to its senses and anoint glorious, marvelous Senator Clinton the true successor to the throne. These are the people that Pat Buchanan was talking about when he said that Hillary doesn't have supporters, Hillary has followers. And no, I refuse to believe for even a moment that the typical 44er resembles in the slightest the average Clinton supporter at the height of the campaign. The 44ers are the Hardcases, operating under a paranoid, inflexible siege mentality that makes Sean Hannity weep tears of joy. At some point, they're just going to have to let go.

Doom will hate me for this (he can't get behind either major party candidate), but from the full transcript, here are a few key points that your friends at the Ministry Of Truth decided not to stress. Remember, I'm breaking your delusions out of hope for a saner future.
I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me? Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him? Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids? Were you in it for that boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage? Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?

We need leaders once again who can tap into that special blend of American confidence and optimism that has enabled generations before us to meet our toughest challenges. Leaders who can help us show ourselves and the world that with our ingenuity, creativity, and innovative spirit, there are no limits to what is possible in America.

This won't be easy. Progress never is. But it will be impossible if we don't fight to put a Democrat in the White House.


We are Americans. We're not big on quitting.

But remember, before we can keep going, we have to get going by electing Barack Obama president.

We don't have a moment to lose or a vote to spare.

Nothing less than the fate of our nation and the future of our children hang in the balance.
This is a warning: if you believe in Clinton so bloody much that you'd throw everything she believed in under the bus--and yes, that includes the Democratic Party as an organization--just to prove a point about Obama, then vote for McCain and see what happens to all of your favorite causes. People get the flag mixed up with what the flag stands for, get wound up about the symbols of democracy to the detriment of democracy itself. So once again, here's the point that you so blithely ignored: Are you in it for Clinton, or Clinton's ideals? Because if you're only in it for the former, if it's Hillary or nothing, if it's Hillary Über Alles, and you can still talk endlessly about the Obama "cult of personality" without a drop of irony or self-recognition, then you deserve to be taken as seriously as the jackass who chanted "9/11 was an inside job" through a bullhorn during last night's Hardball.

I don't deny the power of a true believer, but sometimes you have to make allowances for a Plan B, and if you're so far gone that you can't figure out how to make do with what the fates have handed you, then this isn't about you anymore. The discussion has moved past you, and if you want to shake your fists at the cloud of dust in the distance as the circus parade leaves you behind, that's your choice. It's not too late to turn back from this monomania, to heal your wounds and start planning for HillaryIs45 (somebody got a head start on that point, I see). But if you don't, remember that I didn't marginalize you. The media didn't marginalize you. You did this to yourselves through your words and your works after the rest of the world moved on.

(Edit @ 6:58pm: After Hillary halted the delegate count and handed the keys to the kingdom over to Obama, went over its quota. Here's the Google mirror, if you have to see the *snip* job for yourself.)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dance Till Your Homeland Is The Envy Of The World!

Charlie Brooker, hard working Brit media critic (I've mentioned him before), has decided that the only way London 2012 can beat the Beijing opening ceremony is through complete and utter(ly beautiful) fraud. Unicorn wrestling for the glory of the Empire!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Alan Keyes Explains It All

Alan Keyes wrote a 10,000 word diatribe for WorldNetDaily recently, and really, I'm all about picking apart the inane and the potentially dangerous, but life is just too frickin' short to attempt to untangle the rat's nest of this man's thought processes. Fortunately, the team at Tadfad has all kinds of ridiculous time to burn and the willpower to put it to a suitable use, so they picked out a few pungent selections to give you the flavor of the whole piece.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

John Barleycorn, Nicotene, and the Temptations of Eve *ptui*

It's my birthday, punks, so let's burn some space with one of my patented short-term obsessions, Red Ingle and the Natural Seven. Red and a few other members of the band did time with Spike Jones before making a Jones-like hillbilly hash out of late '40s pop music.

First, a truly memorable rendition of "Cigareets and Whuskey and Wild, Wild Women."

"I Love You For Seventy Mental Reasons"

From 1960, recreating his big hit "Tim-Tay-Shun" with "Cinderella G. Stump" (Jo Stafford)

And with the legendary June Foray guesting on vocals, "These Durn-Fool Things Remind Me Of You." Don't let the montage fool you, that ain't her picture.

Like more than a few crazy-go-nuts American musical sidebars, you can only get this one through a Bear Family import CD, and not even through regular US Amazon. You're on your own. Good luck.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Are You Going To Talk About The Puppies Or The Mink-Lined Handcuffs??

When I glibly said Bernann McKinney was another crazy American pet lady, I didn't count on her being an American pet lady who was genuinely crazy.
"I thought people would be honest enough to see me as a person who was trying to do something good and not as a celebrity," McKinney told the AP. "My mother always taught me, 'Say something good or say nothing at all.'"
"I think I gave people too much credit," she said.
But the now-57-year-old McKinney said that, as far as she's concerned, the Joyce McKinney of 31 years ago doesn't exist. She maintains her innocence and says the woman of all those years ago is a "figment of the tabloid press. ... I don't want that garbage in with the puppy story."
Yeah, some people get really weird about somebody who jumps bail after being charged in England with abducting a missionary for sex slavery, even if it was 30 years ago. Go figure.

But hey, PUPPIES! Um, right?

Thursday, August 07, 2008

TO ENRICH THE INTERWEB!: Yet Another Low-Content Post About The Cloned Puppies

My second reaction when hearing about this story: "Gee, it was done for a crazed American pet owner. Isn't that a surprise."

My first reaction, of course: PUPPIES!!!! And you know that was your first reaction, too...unless you're a cat person.

"Five li'l Boogers"...oy.