Sunday, January 27, 2008

Val-De-Ri, Val-De-Ra...

I've been dabbling in Esperanto lately, so as much as I enjoyed this ad, I know the big-legged guy doesn't speak it like a native. And if you understood that was supposed to be the joke in this post, I'll be available later to stamp your UEA card...



Hey, another no-content post! Yay!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Jim Cramer Will Bury His Money In The Back Yard by 2010

From MSNBC Hardball earlier tonight: I know very little about economics, but I do know that when Jim Cramer starts reading from Doom's script, we're in trouble...



Between this and his on-air meltdown after the sub-prime mortgage fiasco last year, it won't be long before Cramer starts recommending heavy investment in canned goods and firearms...with appropriate cartoon sound effects, of course. Still, forewarned is forearmed, as I like to say but never do....

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Creepy Talk To Start Your Sunday Right

When I started writing this, I was watching an infomercial called "Shortcuts to Internet Millions", the only thing that's on basic cable at 5 am on Sunday morning. It's not because I'm interested in Jeff Paul's get-rich-quick schemes (and the "ten website businesses!" the hosts mention every ten seconds), since this type of nonsense makes me roll my eyes so hard that one night I could see the back of my skull. What was it, then, that has prevented me from changing the channel? At the risk of telling you too much about myself, it was because every 30 seconds during the studio segments of the ad, we got a shot like this:


As entertaining as her blissed-out Kelly Rippa-style expression and mechanically enthusiastic delivery was, that's not what held my attention. Especially when she leaned into the camera, which she did in almost every shot. And then, they superimposed the toll-free number right at the (ahem) point of interest. Coincidence? I don't know, but I have some theories...

Part of me is trying to rationalize this into a spiel about how the ample cleavage on the pitchwoman is as much of a marketing tool as the testimonials about getting crazy-mad money from those website businesses, that it's all in the snake oil nature of this type of TV pitch. It's more subtle than Paris Hilton in a bikini washing the car with a Carl's Jr. hamburger, but it's cut from the same theory: now that we've got your attention, here's some guy to take your money. I'd even have a crafty allusion to the Bill Hicks routine about the perfect commercial ("More Snickers! More Coke!"), because that's the way I roll when I actually get rolling. Some ad geniuses have already moved into Hicks-land, which would make it an even more reasonable thing to ramble about.

The rest of me hangs my head and says: "I am a lonely, lonely man. I should just call the damn number and get it over with." And that's the type of thinking that keeps me up at 5 in the morning in the first place. It's times like this that I'm glad our daily traffic hovers in the single digits...

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Patton Oswalt Eats A Failure Pile From A KFC Sadness Bowl

It had to happen eventually: after a year and a half of his brilliantly ragging on the KFC Famous Bowl, the Onion's AV Club challenged comedian Patton Oswalt to actually eat one. The results are everything you could hope for...

(And yeah, I was the one who submitted the link to Digg, so I figure I'm allowed to steal my own description...)

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Another WGA Strike Gap-Plugging Strategy

While we're waiting for television to come back (and really, you can only marvel at Conan O'Brien's strike beard for so long in a day), I'd be a chum not to take advantage of this opportunity to plug Jeff Kallman's blog The Easy Ace and an enthusiasm for creative radio that I've never been able to shake. Every day Mr. K posts MP3s of classic radio episodes from the 1930s through the 50s that aired ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY, along with the type of useful information and polished writing that, let's face it, I just can't be bothered with lately. If you choose to get lost in your granddad's ephemera (and I'm a past master at that type of action, bub), there's a handy link salad in his sidebar, too. Highly recommended.

(Edit @ 4:13pm: It's also worth noting that the writers who created all these shows gave up the rights for residuals on their pre-1960 work to get paid from 1960 on. Surrendering the past as a down payment on the future? Something to think about...)