Friday, January 19, 2007

Because Forewarned is Forearmed

Yes, it's Mark Evanier's annual reminder of the Don Martin-inspired holiday, centered in the column to show proper awe and respect.

My take: Sure, why not...they're going to make a monkey out of you anyway in the end.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Dead Orville

Orville's back from the grave, and he wants his popcorn seasoned with tasty, tasty braaaaaaaaains. No old maids, please.

The first new Orville-in-person ad since his death 12 years ago is brought to us through (who would have guessed) the magic of CGI, the Hollywood miracle pill which in this case means that nobody in advertising will have to come up with an original idea again.

I have to agree with Cartoon Brew that the scene at the end is especially excruciating. Obviously, the cameras started rolling before the cattle prod was removed from zombie Orville. And with all due respect to Gary Redenbacher ("Grandpa would go for it. He was a cutting-edge guy."), your granddad wore a brown jacket and a bow tie. Cutting edge isn't exactly the descriptor I'd choose.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

As The Guy With Bad Credit Said At The Car Lot, You Didn't Make It Easy To Buy This

I was ready to ask if Der Spiegel had turned into the Weekly World News because of the article about these ridiculously huge bunnies a German has been asked to breed to alleviate North Korean food shortages. The more I thought about it, there was something that seemed less than plausible. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found out the German Giant breed was real, and they honestly get to be over 20 pounds on the continent.

Maybe people would be less suspicious of this story (like the comments here, for instance) if the pictures didn't have such suspicious camera angles.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Outrageous Acts

For those of you who missed President Bush's speech last night on the Iraq war, this isn't it, but it is another one of my half-assed productions. Tell your friends. And remember: I'm not seditious, it just sounds that way sometimes.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Saturday, January 06, 2007


All eyes were on Capitol Hill yesterday, with the Democrat revolution (or would that be counter-revolution?) signed and sealed, and yet, I'm somewhat flustered by what I saw. The picture to the left is a symbol of the promise of the future, in that almost every young person you see in this picture got to hold or touch the speaker's gavel, a prime symbol of that august office. I believe the grandkid who is holding the gavel in this picture even got to play with the microphone on several occasions. The "almost" is the thing which worries the hell out of me: the baby got nothin'! Just look at it down there in the left corner! It didn't get to touch the gavel! It didn't get a special jumper for the occasion! It's not even facing the right way to be in the picture!

COME ON, SPEAKER PELOSI! DON'T BE AGEIST! LET THE BABY HAVE THE GAVEL FOR A MOMENT! I think that babies are loads of fun, so I hope you all take this request in the spirit it's intended. Besides being a signifier of a high office, the House gavel--or any gavel, for that matter--does two things that babies love: it makes noise and has a narrow end that will fit up their tiny noses. It'll be a grand day out for baby, it'll give the press a page one picture, and if something goes wrong...well, there's a physician on call during sessions. All your bases are covered!

I have to assume that at no time during the reading of this blog in these past several months did anyone anticipate I'd spend a whole entry gibbering about babies and gavels, but dammit, it's a new day in America. We must take brave steps to heal the country.